Palpa

There is a Buddhist thought that roughly says, living in the past breeds depression, living in the future breeds anxiety, and living in the present is where you will find peace. I have found this thought to be especially meaningful since coming to Nepal. At home I often set a detailed schedule for myself and have a clear vision of the future, whether it be the next season, week, day, or hour… I almost always have half of my being caught up in the prospect of the future. Here, however, I have been able to find peace. I am not completely engaging in the present, but more so than ever I can find happiness with what is in front of me and be content with what I am doing in the moment.

When I first arrived, it wasn’t love at first sight, but every single day I have grown to love Nepal more and more. The more I see and understand, the more I love it here. It wouldn’t make since to come to Nepal for a short term, unless you were with an incredible guide, because it takes time to understand and appreciate the surrounding beauty (especially outside of the rolling hills). But even in the city, where I have had an incessant cough from the pollution, it smells like feces, there are children with missing limbs, and potholes to avoid with every other step—there is also beauty. There is beauty in the people, in the unit of time that is perceived (as Nepali time), in the distant hills (that would certainly be categorized as mountains anywhere else in the world), in the colors and sounds of music (not so much in the horns and dogs barking that can serve as a distraction at times), in the living tradition and the love and respect for others and nature alike. I have been dabbling with a peculiar balance; I don’t think every aspect of Nepali culture is beautiful, there is also marginalization, misunderstanding, and neglect deeply embedded in social normalcy (but so is the case anywhere I suppose)… but I guess am finding that it is good to be critical of these things because it makes the pleasant things that much more satisfying.

Driving out to Palpa last Monday, I was completely struck by the amazing views; it was a similar feeling to that which I felt flying in. The towering mountains saturated with thick green forest above, and a rushing river so powerful that it has cut through the mountains and created an incredible valley, below. During the drive I was definitely at peace and appreciating the present moments.

On the hike to the community forest group

On the second day in Palpa, we visited a community radio station and a community forestry group. At the community radio station I had my first interaction with a local NGO, and quickly discovered the affects that Nepali culture has on an organization’s management. In Nepal, the word “no” doesn’t really exist, and it is difficult to get a straight answer, from anyone. I found it difficult to ask probing questions, especially if there was even a slight negative connotation or if it hinted at critical inquiry. It was clear, however, that the staff all had big hearts and seemed to be working for a good cause. This station is actually the first community radio station in South Asia and made huge claims such as poverty reduction, decreased marginalization, women’s empowerment, etc. (The presentation did not do a very good job backing up any of these claims, however.) Later, we visited a community forestry user group after a hike through the forest. I felt an overwhelming sense of community in this meeting and connected much better to the work that this group was implementing compared to the previous group. Each of the executives of the Community Forestry group is a volunteer (who lives in the community and reaps the benefits of the forest as well). When I asked how they were able to balance their real jobs with the care and upkeep they provide for the forest, they responded as if that was never a question…the forest is like the community’s shared child, there is always someone looking over it and no matter what it is taken care of. Unlike other community forestry groups, this one has never experienced any issues with stealing and in fact, they do not have anyone guarding the forest, ever. 102 families currently work with and benefit from this forest in particular.

Each evening after we came back from our fieldwork expeditions, we would have a group-wide debrief. I found these conversations to be extremely effective and in fact, the next day (after our first debrief) the group as a whole was asking better, more insightful questions. Not only is Anil (who is the brilliant head teacher I have mentioned before) trying to probe us to ask more questions, but to also walk through the issues and determine prescriptive paths for the problems we point out. I was surprised by the lack of communication, people trying to dominate the conversation, and/or genuine disagreements that we had in the group during most of our evening debriefs. My program-mates are from very different academic background, the only overlap being two geology majors and two anthropology majors!

Dhaka Weaving

The next day (and I will try to be more brief now), we went to a soil conservation district office. This group works to keep ecological balance and maintain the land’s productivity. Honestly, I was unimpressed by the obvious bureaucratic mumble jumble and the lack of productive action. We also went to a Dhaka weaving factory, the first in Nepal. Dhaka is a beautiful fabric that is traditionally hand woven and made into ties, scarves, kurtas, saris, etc. This organization has had a really natural evolution into supporting women’s empowerment and economic growth.

The next day we played Frisbee!! So, every morning I would run to the top of this mountain and it was so beautiful, some mornings, when it was clear enough, I could see the Himalayas! But from the fourth day onward myself and at least 10 other people met down on the local field and played Frisbee before breakfast! 6 of the 18 people on my program play college ultimate and it was so amazing waking up, going for a run, and then scrimmaging all before 8am. That day for language class (which is usually spent in the classroom) we ventured out on the town and were asked to interview someone about what they like to do, where they are originally from, their profession, and anything else really. It is pretty incredible how conversational everyone is after less than a month of studying the language.

View from my run

Frisbee!

For our field excursion on the fourth day, we went to a mother’s group and had lunch and learned about the community organizing that they do. We had an unexpected encounter with dancing and interpersonal relationship building that I found refreshing after so many hours of lectures and being spoken at. Going to the mother’s group helped me understand and develop tactics for breaking down the barrier between the observer and the observed. On this day, at the mother’s group, I finally developed a clearer understanding of why I came to Nepal, this is perception that I never quite probed at enough during my time in India… I have been asked many times why I travel to foreign places to study, why that is necessary, is it a good use of resources (the latter is something I also interrogate within myself often)… I am finding how truly important it is to understand people and social change from a bottom up approach. I think coming to this conclusion will help me with my independent study here, where I will research to understand a top-down approach and test it from the bottom up.

I want to develop an interpersonal understanding of Nepal. That is why I need to devote time to studying the language, so I can come closer to breaking down the barrier between us and them and foster relationships that are built on understanding. I completely understand that many of the problems with marginalization and poverty and whatnot are issues in the U.S. as well, but I still think that it is crucial (even if I settle down in the US) for me to be able to develop these relationships cross-culturally, plus that is so exciting for me.

The important thing is that I do justice with the information that I obtain. I wonder though, if just 4 months is enough time to understand the local culture and to have organic interactions.

I previously reflected on the fact that it was frustrating at times to be in a place that felt so familiar… that maybe I didn’t fully step out of my comfort zone. But suddenly I am so incredibly grateful for my time traveling and spending time in India because it has allowed me to take a different position here in Nepal. I am still guilty of being a “looky loo” tourist at times, but being here doesn’t feel so incredibly foreign and so instead of being shocked by or feeling the need to point out the strange, I am able to embrace Nepal’s uniqueness; I find beauty in what is strange or different… and I can feel my peers approaching that point as well. I find that I don’t need to assign a value to everything I witness, but can be content with a neutral understanding of what is idiosyncratic within Nepal.

The other stops we made throughout the week that got my thoughts going were to a coffee co-op and a local hospital. Being in a village the function of gender, caste, and development became especially apparent. Foreign women are oftentimes considered honorary men. It can be a frustrating position because we are given power to an extent, but I am lost knowing whether or not that empowerment should be validated or if it is just adding to the discomfort I feel with the whole “guest is god” notion. Are we adding to the disparity between the elite and the poor, or female and male even? …to be interrogated further.

The group with our jeeps

View from my run... Himalayas in the background!

Working into the crowd (Sunday, September 8)

This weekend has been a bit of a whirlwind, but mostly in a good way. I had my first interaction with homesickness on Saturday but from my current vantage point that feels like ages ago. At the time however, I was so overwhelmed. I am stuck in limbo trying to please people and understand their culture and tailor each and every one of my actions to fit the scheme of their daily lives, but sometimes it is so hard and tiring and I don’t always agree with the rights and wrongs of Nepal. But, we are taught (by our program) that we are essentially wrong and we must abide by every little thing that is done here. And I realize that I am the guest and the intruder, but that doesn’t necessarily make me wrong.

Today (and much of yesterday) we have been celebrating Teej, which is a festival that celebrates women. On this day women don’t have to work (Sunday is usually a work day) and they dress up in red saris and dance all day. At first, it almost sounds righteous until you realize that the women are supposed to fast all day, no food, no water, no complaining, for the health and prosperity of their husbands. Thousands of people flock to Pushupati to dance and complete the holy procession, and many end up passing out from exhaustion! I definitely did not fast, but I did get to engage in all the best parts of the festival; dancing, dressing up, funneling through the countless people, spending time with my aamaa, didi and bhaini etc.

On Friday, (working backwards now) I went to Pushupati with my peers as a continuation of our lecture on Hinduism. It was such an incredible experience. I was finally hit in the face with culture and was able to step into unfamiliar territory. Pushupati ­­­­­is supposedly an incarnation of Lord Shiva and is supposed to be one of the most significant Hindu temples in the world. When we first arrived we all sat around a little Mandir ((Hindu temple) one of the many scattered throughout the country) and listened to our Hinduism lecturer speak about Hinduism in modern day Nepal and what that means. Then, as we entered further we walked past a beautiful river filled with women and children bathing. As we continued further along the river a burning stench filled the air. There were at least 5 funerals going on that day, and in Nepal the procession includes burning the body. So, yes, I was breathing in burning flesh… kind of gross but also so interesting! It was such a public event that any one who was at the temple that day became privy to. Except, you will notice that no matter how public the event is; women are still not allowed to go, unless it is the mother of the deceased.

Pashupati pictures:

Pashupati brings forth such an interesting dynamic, the intersection of tourism and tradition are able to look each other directly in the eyes. Foreigners are allowed to attend, or at least watch these funerals, but female family members are not? The city that Pashupati is in asks for an entrance fee for tourists as well; a fee that may be more than some of the people who live within the area work for months to make. I felt especially funny carrying around a water bottle (!) that I am sure costs more than the belongings of some of these people.

It was also strange because there were men dressed in traditional Nepali wear, such that you might see in the villages, sitting beside the mandirs asking if we wanted to take pictures of them, so that we would then pay them for having them in the picture. But hey! If they can get away with ripping off tourists, all the more power to them right? We are the intruders, are we not? I certainly felt like an intruder, walking inches from the corpse of someone’s beloved and clunking around with a huge group of people, most of which were carrying DSLRs.

Sunday, on the other hand I felt like I started to fit in a bit better. My pariwar (family) dressed me head to toe in red in celebration of Teej and I spent the day with my aama (mom), bhaini (younger sister), and buaa (dad’s sister). I was still stared at as we walked through the streets, but much less than usual. I am not sure if it was as a result of my more camouflaged dress, or simply by virtue of being lost in the crowds. The strangest thing happened though. These two foreign women came up to the four of us when we were sitting outside of a store drinking Sprite and eating chips. They started out asking to take pictures of us, and then with us! They were speaking so slowly and using minimal words even though they clearly spoke English. They would point at the camera and say “it’s okay?” or “I come in picture?” My family thought this wasn’t that strange, but I was certainly surprised by the interaction. I kept quiet for the most part, and I don’t think they ever figured out that I was an American. Later on the walk when it was just my bhaini and I, I found that foreigners would not smile at me. This was atypical because it usually feels like there is an unspoken bond between us foreigners… maybe because at some point we may have had a similar experience, being in unfamiliar territory in a country like Nepal…Or maybe by virtue of how we are socialized to interact with our race or people who are similar to ourselves (I may draw on this for my independent study project!). In any case, I explicitly smiled at two separate groups of foreigners and received no response. My bhaini and I started to make a game of it… but she said that Nepali people knew I was a foreigner, she heard a group of women saying I can wear a sari well. J

Well, I apologize for how long it took me to get this up. I will be on an excursion to Palpa District starting tomorrow and through next Sunday. I won’t have internet, but I will write something to post upon my return!

Pictures from Teej:

It's Tuesday! Day two of classes

I have now had two days of classes, but it feels like I have been here for months. I am settling into a routine, and everything is starting to make sense. So far, I have had four days of language, for the next few months we will have language class for two hours every morning… I can’t imagine that I will ever be at an intermediate level, but that is the plan and the hope. I have also had a lecture on Nepali history from start to 1950! It was a lot to take in, but the lecturer spoke conversationally. He is supposedly one of the most renowned experts on Nepali history in the world, so it was definitely an honor to have the chance to listen to him, no matter the colossal load of information he bestowed upon us. Today, I had a lecture on development theory. Honestly, it was not exactly what I would have hoped it to be, but the readings the night before were fulfilling enough that I am not too upset. We tried to cover topics from development as a whole (and how it started), to dependency theory, to neo liberalism and I don’t think the concepts were really done justice, but how could they be when you can spend a lifetime dissecting any one of those notions.

Moment of truth: I am having a hard time relating to my peers because everything about Kathmandu feels all too familiar. Last summer, my mind was blown- I witnessed things that I didn’t know could exist and I was certainly inspired to study more, broaden my horizon and take action. This semester (and I have only been here for just over a week) I am experiencing something different. The culture, the city, the poverty, it all feels familiar and I am just waiting for something to strike me as shocking. I am by no means comfortable with the things that are prevalent in Kathmandu, especially the poverty, but I am no longer in shock. I am trying to convince myself that this is a good thing and that I will be able to focus more on my research while I am here, but I am still searching for that moment of revelation—I have faith it will come though. We watched a movie today about a village in Nepal, and although I wasn’t entirely surprised that this village existed (like many of my classmates) I was still hugely affected by the story and at moments I wanted to break down and cry. The movie is called “We Corner People” and it discussed those living on the periphery, or the corner. Much of Nepal is made up of small villages off the beaten track, or in the corner, actually pretty much anything outside of a Kathmandu is rural. One interviewee said, “I wouldn’t be happy anywhere else, since I was born here. I guess I like living in the corner.” But, the overall notion in the film was a general dislike for living on the periphery. Another person expressed, “In such a corner, life’s gone a waste.” I feel so privileged and so lucky to have been brought up in the circumstances that I was and I hope that I can take this blessing and utilize the assets that I have been given to affect change.

Clearly, I still do not understand poverty and I don’t understand the wants and needs of Nepalese people, but I feel some sort of connection. I hope that I can continue studying and critiquing development and what it means to be “under developed” (especially because the word development leaves a pretty sour taste in my mouth as of now). I hope that I can find out where I fit in the equation.

In the meantime, I am really enjoying the Nepalese culture, the similarities and the differences of what I have previously experienced. Yesterday, after class I went with Isha (Emily… oh and my Nepalese name is Manisha) to celebrate Teej, a festival that is coming up this Sunday that celebrates women! Emily and my aamaa (mom) are sisters. When we arrived at her house there were so many women on the roof, singing and dancing and eating. We joined in the festivities and it was a lot of fun! A few of our other classmates came over too, which was really nice. The lyrics to the Hindi songs, many of which were written for the holiday, were quite vulgar! Nepali culture, especially because of the Hindi influence is really conservative, especially for women, but perhaps because it is a celebration of women they can do what ever they want for the day? The actual festival is Sunday, so I will update how that goes.

My family, on the other hand, is quite liberal. They have been nothing but kind and welcoming and I am very comfortable in the home. I have four siblings, two sisters and two brothers, my didi who is 22 (I think) studied for 4 years in Australia and speaks great English, my bhanini who is 18 and my two bhai who are 17 or 18 and 9. I also have an aamaa (mom) and baabaa (dad) who are very nice, and speak very little English and a kaka (uncle) who speaks no English and is mentally handicapped. Quite a full house! I am a little overwhelmed by the language classes now, but it is incentive to learn so I can better communicate with my family and feel all the more comfortable here.

Today, I had to go get rabies and Japanese encephalitis vaccines. I guess the dogs here are really unpredictable and could bite at any time, so it is certainly worth the getting the injection. Afterwards, I wandered around the city a bit and met up with some friends from my program and got local Nepali beers called Everest. I didn’t get lost finding my way home!! Tomorrow, I am going back to Bodha to meet up with Kelsey and Maria and I plan on bringing Jacob with me (all of us are from Wooster and happen to be in Nepal at the same time!). I am excited to go back to Bodha, and I might play a little soccer there!

Pictures!

My didi and two bhai took me exploring Sunday

Kathmandu

Maria, graduated from Wooster in '11

Kelsey! Doing the other SIT Nepal program

Prayer flags at the Stupa in Bodha

Dhulikhel, where we had orientation

My roommate Louisa, during orientation

Leah, on the roof

This is spray painted all over the city